More Than Admiration
by GetUrJollies
Summary: I was in love with Sodapop Curtis, but could you blame me? Really? Johnny/Sodapop. SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

**More than Admiration**

**Chapter One**

As I stepped out into the heavy rain from the dim light of my house, I had only two things on my mind: band-aids and a place to sleep. I was thinking about going to the vacant lot two blocks away but with the rain being so heavy I knew I wouldn't be able to close one eye. I could go back into my house and try to sneak back up to my room but I knew there was a good chance I would get caught and get a good beating. That left only one other option, so I sighed and made my way to the Curtis house.

Don't get me wrong I like the Curtis brothers. Ponyboy, the youngest one, was my best friend and the oldest one, Darry, took good care of me when I was hurt but there was just something about the middle brother, Sodapop, that always got me flustered.

I didn't like the feeling that grew in the pit of my stomach when he looked at me. I didn't like the way my face involuntarily flushed when he spoke to me. I hated it! It scared me to be honest because I had heard of what these feelings meant when Dally had been talking about Sylvia when he had first met her and a guy shouldn't be feeling those feelings for another guy.

Even if I didn't like it there was no doubt that I had fallen for Sodapop Patrick Curtis, there was just no way past it. Ever since Ponyboy and I came back from Windrixville and my trial, I had been so much closer to Soda. He and Ponyboy had been the ones who gently talked me through all the trouble and they had always been there to calm me down when I got too upset. Since then me and Soda have been really close and it all went downhill from there.

Can you really blame me though? I mean he's great person. He cares about me and he's always there to understand or cheer me up. And his looks are nice too. He has such beautiful golden hair that he always slicks back and honey brown eyes that were filled with personality and affection. I couldn't help myself really. He was just so irresistible. Yeah, that's a good word… irresistible. I guess his new girl _Rhonda _thinks he's pretty _irresistible _too.

I don't dislike many things but _Rhonda_ is definitely one of them. I didn't really know how to handle her. She was so off the wall, she was crazy. She scared the heck out of me. She talked loudly and drank and smoked way too much. She stole all the time, no matter if she needs the items she was stealing or not. And she claimed to be a natural blonde but I knew she was lying from the way her roots always got dark every couple of weeks.

I shook my head and started walking to Curtis house faster. I hate to think about Rhonda and the rain was getting harder. I started to shake and my finger tips started to tingle. Man it was sure cold!

I was around the corner from my destination when a cherry red Corvair pulled up beside me. I got goose bumps, but not from the cold, and started to walk faster. The car got slower and slower so I ducked my head and slouched, wishing I could just blend in with the rain. I'm not that lucky though.

One by one six Socs filed out of the car. Each of them had to be at least 6 feet tall; they towered over me by a good foot. They were built like monsters too. Their biceps were the width of my head and they were as thick as trees. I knew as soon as they circled me that my pocket knife and I weren't gonna win this.

"Are you the bastard who killed Bob Sheldon?" One of them growled as they slowly got closer and closer.

I started to shake. I know better than anyone not to show fear in front of the enemy but this was just too much like the last time I got jumped by some of these guys.

"I-I didn't mean to," my voice quivered as tremors racked my body, "he was gonna kill my friend and I didn't know what to do."

"Well," the same Soc began to talk, "Bob was our buddy and we don't like it when filthy greasers like you mess with us." And just like that the charged at me. They were like human bulls; I remembered learning about things like that in English class when I went to school. I remember they were called Minotaur. Blood thirsty, hideous beasts that fed on human flesh. Usually the flesh of an unwilling sacrifice. That unwilling sacrifice was me.

They hollered and roared as they attacked like they were seeing red. They took to torturing their victim and kicked and punched, and pushed and pulled. They beat me to a bloody pulp; within seconds I was on the ground sobbing for them to stop but they wouldn't budge. I realized after a while that I wasn't Theseus, I was no Greek hero, I couldn't stand up and I couldn't fight back, so I screamed. I screamed for Sodapop, Ponyboy, Dally, or anybody around who would be willing to save me.

For a couple of seconds that felt like forever, no one came and for a minute, I thought no one would. But as soon as I doubted them my heroes came.

Around the corner, without missing a beat, came the gang, Soda and Pony leading the way. Soda was carrying a foot long pipe, Pony, Two-bit and Steve were running with busted pop bottles, Dally had his blade switched out and ready, and all Darry needed were his fists.

Soon the pack of Socs was gone and I was being lifted up off the ground by Sodapop with a worried looking Ponyboy at his shoulder. What had happened between them running to the rescue and now, I couldn't tell you. Everything was very fuzzy and it sounded far away. Ponyboy had asked me if I was okay and it took me a second to process the question. I tried to tell him I would be fine but all that came out was a rattling wheeze.

All the pain intensified after a second and I sobbed harder than I had before. My insides felt as if they were on fire. Flames licked up and down my ribs and curled around my lungs. Everywhere was this painfully unbearable heat. Everything was aflame except for my stomach; it was ice cold and just as painful as the rest of me.

Sodapop, seeing my distress, hugged me closer and I put my arms around his neck and pulled myself close as I possibly could and just cried. I was scared and in pain, and even if he didn't know it, I needed him to hold me.

I cried into his shoulder, staining his shirt and Soda didn't let me go or loosen his grip. I was grateful for that.

As I cried I realized that everything, the beating, the pain and Soda holding me as I cried, was the same as last time. I cried harder at the unfairness of it all. Why couldn't I ever get a break? The only good thing I had was Soda, Pony and the gang. They were the only things I cherished.

Sodapop rubbed and patted my back, trying to comfort me. "Your okay. Their gone now. You're safe, I've got you. Everything's gonna be alright, Johnnycake." He talked to me in a low, steady and gentle tone. I tried to say something back but it just came out as a muffled gurgle noise.

My mouth filled with blood and I started to throw up blood everywhere; all the way down my chin and all over Soda's shirt.

"Johnny? Johnny are you okay?" Soda's voice was nearly hysterical. I tried to move to try and wipe my blood off his shirt but he held me still.

"I'm sorry S-Soda. I d-didn't m-mean to." I was surprised at how hard it was to talk. Blood kept on rushing up my throat and flooding my mouth.

"No Johnnycake. No it's alright... we gotta get you to a hospital." He picked me up and started to

Soda ran to the truck with me in his arms and the rest of the gang followed close behind. Soda and Pony crawled into the front with my head in Soda's lap and Pony supporting my legs. The rest of the gang jumped into the bed of the truck.

As we went to the hospital every pain in my body intensified. My eyes started to roll around inside of their sockets. Everything started to fade around the edges.

"C'mon Johnny keep your eyes open." Soda was patting my cheek gently trying to keep me awake. "Stay awake honey."

I smiled a little because he called me 'honey' then everything faded and went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

I woke to be greeted by a bright light above my head. I groaned and squinted my eyes against it. There was a beeping noise to my left and a sickening dripping noise to my right. My head felt as if it was stuffed with wool and my ears sounded like they were plugged. I tried to sit but my limbs wouldn't listen to me, it felt as if my bones had been swapped with lead.

My eyes finally got used to the light so I could finally open my eyes. I looked down at myself and I was loosely tucked into a hospital bed. There were IVs and wires stuck to various places on my arms and -the only thing that was new- an oxygen wire under my nose. I was incredibly groggy, everything seemed fuzzy and hazed. I looked around the room and my gaze locked with a pair of chocolate brown eyes and I knew exactly who it was. Sodapop.

"Hey Johnnycake." He greeted coming closer to rub my shoulder. I felt goose bumps rise on my forearms. "You gave us a real scare there for a while. Man, when you closed your eyes we didn't know what to think!"

"Really?" I asked. I was confused. What had happened after I passed out? "What happened here? I feel weird." It was true. My stomach felt sunken and my limbs weighed tons. I could hardly keep my eyes open because I was so drowsy.

Ponyboy came from behind Sodapop with a smile that looked… relieved? I couldn't tell. "Well, Johnny," he started out with a sheepish voice. Like he was getting in trouble. "We brought you here and they looked you over and they found some internal bleeding… so theyhadtogiveyousurgery." He had rushed through the last part so fast I couldn't catch it. He smiled at me innocently.

"Hold on Pone…" I looked at him confused. What was he hiding? "I didn't catch that last part. What did you say?" Ponyboy sighed in defeat as I said this.

"What I said was…" He shifted his eyes and looked at his shoes. Soda perched himself on the bed next to me and started to rub my shoulder again. Was it that bad? "We let them give you surgery…" That was it. It hit like a wall of concrete in the face. I could feel stomach acid stinging my throat as my stomach itself churned and quivered. Getting surgery was the worst thing that could happen.

"What!" I almost snapped up but Soda put a gentle restraining hand on my chest. Everyone looked surprised at me. It wasn't like me to raise my voice but this is the worst thing I've done. Surgery was dangerous to even think about. "How am I supposed to pay for it? What are my parents gonna do to me?" I digested that for a moment and groaned. "Aw… my parents."

"Hey, hey easy. Don't worry about it." Soda was smiling down at me. His eyes were twinkling and I found my breath was taken away from me. "We paid for it with our insurance and Darry put down that he was your guardian. It's gonna be alright."

He patted my head, trying to soothe me but now I was just feeling worse. "You shouldn't have wasted that on me. I wasn't that bad hurt, really." I really didn't think the Socs got to me like Sodapop and Ponyboy were saying; it felt like any other beating. I guess everything just felt better when Soda was around. On the other hand they really shouldn't waste insurance money on me, I'm not worth it.

"Don't you say that Johnny." This was a new voice. It was familiar but new to the conversation. It was Darry and that's what made me look up and realize the whole gang was in the room. "Johnny you needed the surgery, you coulda died without it and we have insurance that mom and dad left, we've never used it and you needed it. It's not like it's gonna run out either, its health insurance…" He stopped to think for a second. "Oh yeah, and you're staying at our house. I don't want you goin' back to your folks for a while." I nodded without urge because Darry was talking in a deep, demanding tone, his 'alpha tone' Sodapop once called it.

Sodapop sunk down into a more comfortable position next to me; he put his arm around me which resulted in me being pulled me against his chest and my back was leaning against him. I looked around the room at the gang. Could they see the rosy blush I could feel spreading across my cheekbones? Could they hear my heart pounding like I could? Were they paying attention to the heart monitor that sped up next to me? Luckily, the guys had the attention spans of squirrels and they chatted loudly at each other. I looked up at Soda. He had a wide smile on his face; he was listening to one of Two-bit's horrible _knock -knock_ jokes that were only funny because they completely didn't make sense. I was wondering if he noticed, and hoping he wouldn't. I was relieved to see he was distracted and I was about to join the conversation when I noticed _someone was _watching me. It was Ponyboy. He was looking at me confused and questioningly with concern marring his features. I shook my head at him, saying 'I will explain later' with my facial features, he still looked concerned but he nodded and turned to a conversation Steve was starting up (they got along better lately). That's what I love about me and Pony's friendship; we understood each other without having to say anything out loud.

After a while of talking and laughing with the gang I was exhausted. My eyelids felt heavy and they started to droop in my line of vision. I slouched into Soda's strong arms that were delightfully warm, that made me feel so _safe. _I leaned back to a laying position so that my head was resting on his shoulder. I sucked in a breath that had my ribs protesting but I ignored it and reveled in the sweet scent of Soda's cologne. My heart was calming and my breath was slowing, I was about out of it when the conversations that had filled the room came to a halt. I cracked my eyes open to see everyone staring at me with the same affectionate smile on each of their faces, they all saw me as their baby brother, even Pony, but that was alright with me.

"I think Johnnycake is getting tired." It was Dally who pointed this out, he has been very protective over me since the 'incident'. "Let's let him get some rest." Everyone said their goodbyes and started to file out of the room.

"Your outa here tomorrow." Darry said before exiting. "We'll be here bright and early to pick you up and take you home." I smiled sleepily and said my thanks.

Soda gently slid out from under me and layed me back down. He reached down and ran his hand through my hair once, he had no idea what that does to me. "I'll see ya tomorrow Johnnycake." With that he turned around and made his way to the door signaling Ponyboy to go with him but Pony stayed.

"Wait up for me." Pony said looking from me to Soda. "I gotta talk to Johnny real fast." Soda shrugged his shoulders and went to catch up with the other guys. Ponyboy turned to me quickly with crossed arms, an eyebrow arched and an expectant look on his face. "You need to tell me what's up Johnnycake. You're freaking me out. The whole heart monitor thing, yeah, I heard that. The way your face is always flushed. What's going on? Is there something else wrong we should know about?"

"Pony!" I had to raise my voice with an exasperated tone to stop his rambling.

He got the picture and caught his breath. "Okay, then, tell me what's wrong."

"Umm…" My palms got sweat and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I could feel my pulse speeding and the monitor caught. Ponyboy snapped his head toward the small screen then back to me with his forehead crinkled. "You're my best friend right?" A wrinkle formed on his forehead but he nodded. "You won't hate me no matter what, right?" He looked really confused but nodded again. "Okay, uhh…" My breath quickened and I sucked in a gasp. "W-well… I'm… I-I'm g-g-gay…" I closed my eyes, afraid he'd be staring back disgusted with me but all I heard was a sigh of relief and felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up at Ponyboy startled. He was smiling at me. "That's perfectly fine Johnnycake. I don't care who you love. It's all good with me." I smiled back up at him then bit my lip. "Is there something else?" He looked worried again.

"Yeah…" I stared passed him, up at the ceiling. "I'm… I'm in love with your brother. Sodapop."

Ponyboy was quiet for a moment. I looked at him and he had his chest puffed up and a look of determined confidence on his face. "That's okay, Johnny. 'Cause I'm gay too." He sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm in love with Steve."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I stared at Pony wide eyed for a moment. Did he really just say that? I never pictured him with Steve. I didn't even think he could be gay. I knew Ponyboy didn't have much interest in girls but I thought that was just a phase, I never knew it was because he truly didn't have any interest in them. After the shock subsided I felt relieved. I wouldn't be alone through this whole thing and I would have somebody who understood me.

"Well, that's great Ponyboy." I said smiling at him. He smiled back then frowned.

"But they both have girlfriends. What are we going to do?" I looked at him horror. What did he mean by '_What _are _we_ going to _do'_?

"What? We're not going to do anything. What are you thinking?" I asked him. I could hear the exasperated tone in my voice but doing _anything_ including Rhonda and Evie sounded terrifying. "Are you implying that we should actually try to pick _Sodapop _and _Steve_ up?"

Pony looked confused. "Why not? I mean, I don't want to sit around and watch some tramp hangin' on _my_ Steve. C'mon Johnny, we gotta try…"

I looked at him, unsure. "But what if they don't feel the same? What if this ruins everything?" I was scared that the gang would be disgusted with us. What would we do if they pushed us away?

"We won't know unless we try… How will we know unless we don't?" Ponyboy had a point but what if we did this and everything turned out wrong?

"Alright," I agreed, "but I will do it in my own time. I'll help you if you decide to act before I do." He smiled and nodded. "Now get goin' I'll see ya in the morning."

I went to sleep that night with the heart monitor going ten miles an hour.

* * *

Darry stuck to his word and the Curtis brothers were at the hospital bright and early, dragging me out of bed and helping me get dressed. I didn't sleep too good the night before so I kept on dozing off on Ponyboy's shoulder.

"Okay Johnny," Darry started as Pony dragged my limp body out of the truck. "I guess you can sleep-"

"Johnny says he wants to sleep in my room!" Ponyboy interrupted loudly. I stared at him wide eyed. He's going crazy I swear.

"Are you sure you'll be alright without me in there with you Pony?" Soda asked Pony, surprised yet… proud?

"I'm sure it's just that… Johnny doesn't want to be alone." He smiled at me sympathetically as I glared back. Did he have to make me sound clingy?

Sodapop came over and patted me on my shoulder which made my breath catch in my throat. "I understand Johnnycake." He rubbed my shoulder and I could feel my ears heating. "I'm glad you're here Johnny. It'll be cool having you around."

With that Pony pushed me to _our_ room where I collapsed on _our_ bed. This was gonna straight up suck.


	4. Alert

I'm looking for someone to beta this story so I can re-upload an edited one.

I read through all of my stories including Missing, In Memory and More Than Admiration and, in time, I'd like to finish them. When I was reading I was embarrassed by all of my typos and grammar errors. I would like to post the stories that are easier for my readers to read.

If you are interested in being a beta and getting a sneak peek, comment and I will start emailing you chapters. I would like to get Missing out of the way first, but, I don't know, it really depends on what request I get first.

Thank you!

-Janie


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